The Digital Dad

Caution: Blades are sharp. Exercise care when using.

Boy, do they ever mean that!

So I cut the end of my thumb off. Yup. The whole end. Not a slice, not a gash, the tip. Off. O. F. F. Off. That’ll sure wake you up in the morning.

Backstory: We were having some friends over for dinner. Missy’d planned on painting the bathroom, so I offered to cook dinner. I was going with an Asian theme. Teriyaki chicken, fried rice, stir fried veggies…. I’d even gotten sticky rice and seaweed wraps for some sushi fun. (Love me some wasabi.) So I’ve got all these fresh veggies lined up on the kitchen counter and I’m prepping the stir fry. In our household we don’t just cut up vegetables with a knife. No sir. We have a Pampered Chef slicer dicer thingamabob, complete with absolutely useless veggie pusher to keep you from cutting the tip of your finger off. I say absolutely useless because it doesn’t really grab the veggies well. The slicer blade slices great, it’s just the safety doodad sucks. So being smart grown-up man-child, I just run the veggies over the blade with my hand. (I think you can see where I’m going.)

I should probably interject at this point that I’ve started the day with full-on laryngitis. I’m currently unable to generate a single vocal utterance save for a high-pitched squawk at what should be my loudest. And boy, does that squawk hurt. So, were I to injure myself in any drastic fashion, I’d be thoroughly unable to signal for help from, say, a Registered Nurse, were there to perchance be one in the vicinity. (A Registered Nurse, I might add, who is loving the laryngitis as it makes it ever so easy to simply ignore me. “What dear? Oh, I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear you.)

So there I am, through the carrots, past the bell peppers, moving on to the cucumbers for sushi wraps…. SQUAWK!!! (Man, does my throat hurt.) Holy crap! Is that my…? But where’s the…? What the…? SQUAWK!!! And here comes the bleedy.

So that’s it. I’m typing this now with somewhere in the neighborhood of 37 pounds of gauze on my right thumb (what’s left of it, anyway), realizing how often I use my right thumb and just how hard it is to type wearing 37 pounds of gauze digitally. I think I’m done computering for the weekend. Maybe I’ll finally get to play some Xbox. Oh wait…. CRUD!